The Swing of Things

It’s a funny thing, the swing of things.  No matter how hard I try, I can never stay in that damn swing!  I am always getting back into that swing or falling out of it.   And while I don’t know the last time I was sitting in it safely and securely or how long I was there, I can definitely say that quite recently I fell out of the swing of things.

I thought I was safely sitting in the swing.  Things were pretty even for me.  I had settled back into my routine after the worst summer ever.  I tried to recalibrate my emotional presentation and be pleasant.  After all, when your kid gives you the truth the way mine served me, you don’t have many choices.  “I wish PopPop never died”, she told me last September.  “Why?” I asked, thinking she was going to say something about how much she missed my Daddy.  “Because you are not happy and you are not nice anymore Mommy.  You are not acting like yourself.  You are so cranky and you never smile and that’s not good.  You have to be happy like you used to be Mommy!”  Can’t be mad at the truth, can I?  So in September I dried my eyes, I turned my frown upside down, and I committed to getting back in that damn swing.   I thought I was in the swing, flying high.  I hosted Thanksgiving, I planned a two city Christmas for my baby, I stepped up the holiday decorations, I was moving full steam ahead.  But the seat in that damn swing of things is slippery, and before I knew it, I was sitting cross-legged on the ground, face in my palms, trying not to get hit in the eye by the swing of things.  The reality is this year has moved at a breakneck speed and achingly slow, all at once.  I have been the best neglectful mommy, the worst good wife, and the most depressed well-adjusted person you will ever meet.  I have struggled to be present for everyone and been absolutely absent to myself.  And so somewhere between Christmas and New Year’s, I fell completely out of the swing of things and then slid off the grid all together.  So this page has been a little dark and the postings trickled to a bit of a halt.  However, like all big girls that take a hard spill on the playground, I am standing up, dusting off my knees, grabbing life by the chains and sliding my hips back into the swing of things.  So here’s to a new year full of fun observations, cute pictures, insight, growth and LIFE!  Happy New Year, y’all…

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